The Rules is a straight taking dating guide for women offering advice on how to find, attract and marry the man of your dreams. First published in 1995, the book is now considered a classic of it’s genre and has become infamous for it’s no nonsense approach for how women should play the modern dating game.
The Rules by Ellen Fein / Sherrie Schneider
Anyone looking to understand the opposite sex better should read The Rules.
While the book is clearly written for women, the powerful behavioural insights upon which the author’s 55 rules are based are of huge importance to men and women alike. Everyone should read this book to improve the their relationship game.
The suggestions put forward are highly controversial, but clearly effective in their proposed goal: to ensure that women don’t waste time in the dating game when their end goal is to seek a happy relationship or a successful marriage.
Below are some of the key insights I took from this book:
Key Insights
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- Entering into relationships or marriage without conscious thought is a recipe for disaster because it goes against basic human nature on both sides.
- While society has changed dating, the basic rules of romantic attachment haven’t changed in the slightest.
- Men are psychologically driven to seek out challenge in relationships.
- Applying The Rules to dating ensures a conscious appreciation of your partner’s suitability for a long term relationship or marriage.
- Men and women are fundamentally different in many ways. Desirable social equality doesn’t mean we should ignore this fact.
- The first rule of dating is to ‘Be a creature unlike any other’ which is a state of mind rather than an external attribute.
- Don’t make the first move, don’t split the bill, don’t call him, always leave him wanting more. The right man will always makes the effort and love you more for it.
- Always play it cool, don’t open up to soon, don’t talk too much, stay busy, stay mysterious. The right man will be intriqued to find out more about you.
- Don’t complain, don’t try to change him but constantly observe his behaviour and project how a long term relationship or marriage would be on this basis.
- Have a code of personal ethics. Always keep your independence, never date married men, don’t waste time on the wrong relationships and be conscious about what you are buying into when you enter any relationship (Buyer Beware)
- If you want marriage, don’t accept non-commitment. Rather then complain, simply drift out of a relationship and let the man decide if he loves you enough.
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- If you want a happy relationship, keep following The Rules by staying seductive, independent, attractive and easy going.
- Love only those who love you (Rule 53)
- The criticisms of this book are unjustified. The authors are providing rules for an existing game not encouraging people to see their partners as playthings.
- Many of the insights from this book can be directly applied to the world of business. Creating The Rules for business is equally feasible.
- Just because life is a game doesn’t mean we have to treat people as mere players, but it does mean we should be clear about what is and isn’t effective.
- You don’t have to follow The Rules completely but aspiring to an absolute rather than moderate commitment is the only effective way to ensure long lasting success.
- The Rules are basically habits based on observations about the psychology of seduction which operate in both directions: men and women.