The Courage To Be Disliked is a socratic dialogue between Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, two of Japan’s leading experts on Adlerian psychology, exploring Adler’s individual psychology as a liberating way of thinking about life, human existence and happiness.
The Courage To Be Disliked Summary
The Courage To Be Disliked introduces the psychology of Adler to the mass audience. Diverging from the views of Freud and Jung, Adler’s individual psychology explores human happiness through the concepts of teleology, interpersonal relationships, tasks, community feeling and the courage to be disliked by living your own truth.
Easy to read but theoretical in parts. This is a book that will reshape your thought process about happiness, identity and existence.
Below are some of the key insights from the book.
- Most people think of the world as cause and effect (aetiology) but you can just as easily view events from the perspective of purpose (teleology)
- From this perspective, people fabricate emotions and identities to pursue set goals, even if they are subscious in form.
- In this way, most people choose not to change. Explaining identities that explain their limitations, unhappiness or lack of success in the form of some abstracted cause.
- Despite common belief, all problems are interpersonal problems broken down into its simplest form as human interaction between you and I
- Interpersonal relationships vary in depth from work relationships, friendship relationships and love relationships. In each arena, problems can arise when people fail to acknowledge the separation of tasks
- To separate tasks always acknowledge who stands to benefit from the completion of a task and respect their/your agency to succeed or fail.
- To be happier, step back from a need for external validation and seek the change you need within yourself.
- Consequently, real freedom is the courage to be disliked as for every 10 people, 2 will be friends, 1 will be an enemy and 7 will be indifferent (Jewish proverb)
- The wider goal of individual psychology is to feel a sense of community where you neither praise nor rebuke but encourage others to pursue their own life tasks.
- It follows that it is also important to live in the present and have confidence (faith) in the comradeship of others rather than trust (conditional) which encroaches upon their own tasks.
- The real purpose of work is a contribution to the common good. While lofty goals are commendable, life is always a series of moments rather than a set destination, so never pay attention to external validation or rebuke.
- Adler suggests that life inherently has no meaning, so it is incumbent upon us to give our lives meaning in the now
- The surest way to change the world is to start with yourself. Others may not cooperate, but someone has to start in order for others to follow.